THE CONGREGATION
Sharing the news of my resignation with the congregation was one of the greatest challenges that I have faced in my life. These were close friends, partners in a common mission. Now I felt that a major change was at hand, and I had to be very careful with the way the information was distributed. For the weeks between my decision and the time I would share my decision, I felt like I was living a duplicitous life. My personality is typically very candid and transparent. For instance, I kept a blog for five years, and updated it regularly. My congregation had grown used to seeing my daily posts. When my resignation became the news in my life, I withdrew from posting, and I wanted just to explain, but that was not a fair treatment of the issue.
My coach had told me years ago that I should enjoy what I could do with thirty people, because I could do things with thirty that would not work at sixty. I decided that with thirty people I could visit each family personally.
I remember thinking that I would change after making the decision to resign on October 6th. I thought I would suddenly feel different about the people I pastored. In fact on October 7th we had a band rehearsal scheduled. I knew that we would never even play all the music we would practice. I wondered if I would be able to get motivated for rehearsal. Would I be able to hide my true feelings? Then they started arriving, and I remember thinking how much I loved each of them. I was surprised by this feeling. I loved them just as much as I did before resigning, but I could not put the announcement off too long. We were starting to have issues of canceled events and other unanswered questions. The biggest was a Halloween Outreach that we had been planning and promoting. We felt that it was unfair to ask our small congregation to put a lot of work and effort into a huge community event, then turn around and announce my resignation.
Most of my people had come to SRC because of a conversation in their living room. I felt like that was the best place to let them know I was leaving. With each household I shared my appreciation for their partnership and the trust they had placed in me as their leader. I told them about my resignation and answered any questions they had. Everyone I met with received the news with grace. They all asked what my decision would mean for the future of the church. I explained that those decisions were yet to be made. I laid out the planned meetings, the survey, and let them know that I was available if they had any further questions. With each household I concluded by saying that I appreciated sharing my news personally with them. I asked that they give others the same opportunity by keeping our conversation private until Sunday, and I asked them to pray for me on Sunday. I was really proud how quiet the news stayed. There was only one family that heard prior to my arrival. They had heard from a relative from a partner church. A board member had shared it mistakenly thinking that it had already been announced. Thankfully that member had just waited patiently to hear from me.
I was not able to talk with everyone, but I was able to speak to every household. There were no surprises on November 7th when I announced my resignation. Instead, I had a family of friends in an attitude of prayer for a difficult day.
Losing a church is like the death of a loved one. It became clearer through my in-home conversations that the church was headed for closure. People were telling me their plans to leave. So I did my best to shepherd them through the grief. I found out during this part of the journey that in the most difficult moments, when you want to pastor most, the congregation draws away from you. I am sure it is terribly difficult for their part. They had an invested love in me and the church. Now I was the reason they were losing their church. I was abandoning the mutual commitment we shared. Resentment of my decision was in conflict with their care and concern for me. It was interesting to watch them process it. I saw anger that was pointed at people that did not deserve it, because the individuals loved me too much to be angry at me. They had a high respect for my life of faith, and took me at my word that I had heard from the Lord. But it was still difficult news.
There were a couple of responses that I really was not expecting. The first was the reflection of my influence that came through the memories people had of my ministry. People began recounting how I had been there for them in their most difficult times. Some recounted times of confession of sin, others shared the times when they had no one else to turn to and found me there in their time of need. I think somehow we do not realize the effect we have on others. There is nothing unique about my contribution, just that I had the privilege of serving in this call. How humbling that God would use me to minister to those He cares so deeply about. The funny thing to me was that I did not think of the dark times, the sin, or otherwise when I thought of these individuals. I only thought of their growth and maturity in the Lord. I rejoiced with those that had come to faith in Christ. Time after time in the face of disappointing news people would say, “Well, I know you, and the way you live…” It was validating to think that people recognized the way I choose to live.
The other response was a perspective that I gained of the DNA of the church. As a leader I had written the mission, vision and values statements. I had worked to shape the culture of the church. I think as a leader I had kept my eyes on what we needed to become, and was not as aware of what we had indeed become. I began to hear people talk about what they loved about SRC. They began to question where they would find a church with such a commitment to outreach, community in small groups, passionate worship, and the bond of fellowship like we enjoyed at the church. Again it was humbling to observe this autopsy of a church I had led and been part of.
The congregational meetings took place on November 7th and 14th. The first meeting was held after my sermon and resignation address. It was chaired by my father. He had been appointed by the board of directors. He presented a report on the financial situation of the church. Then he issued the survey and collected them. I remember talking to my father that morning ahead of the service. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Be gentle today.” He replied, “I am going to be honest.” My dad can have a bit of a rough edge, and I was concerned he would be too blunt. He did not disappoint. That morning as we prepared for the service my dad said to me, “You understand when I present the financial report people will likely assume that you are resigning for financial reasons.” I knew he was right, but knew that finances had never played a role in my thinking and decision-making. I told him that I was confident in my obedience to the Lord, so I did not worry about people’s assumptions.
At the conclusion of that meeting, when people turned in their surveys, my father asked everyone to stand. Then he asked those that had indicated they planned to leave to sit down. A third of the people sat. I stood in the back and watched this bold act. My dad said that those standing would have each other to depend on as they looked for a way forward. He did this without casting guilt on those that sat. One complication that was obvious was that there were three couples that split their vote. In every case the wife remained standing, and the husband sat. My opinion was that the heads sat and the hearts stood. Those that could not think of a way forward the church sat down. Those that could not let go of the church they loved remained standing.
That week the board collected the surveys, and based on the names and indications, prepared a financial projection for 2011. It was actually done in three parts. The first line was based on the tithe of those that indicated they planned to stay as a whole family, including full tithe of the couple that split. The second line was an estimation including half of the split couple’s tithe. And the third line was estimation without any tithe from the split couples.
Even at the top end, there just was not enough money for viability. Another observation that was made from the surveys was that the things that drew people to and connected people to SRC were almost entirely related to me specifically. It became clear to the board that some of our members were saying they wanted to move forward with SRC, but were unable to imagine how different, significantly different, SRC would have to be to move forward. The board agreed that they would make a diligent work to paint a clearer picture. They did not want to talk anyone out of anything, but felt a responsibility to make sure people had realistic expectations.
The next Sunday we held a business meeting. Our presbyter attended as the district’s representative. I preached, and was followed by Don. He cut pretty quickly to the chase after his assessment based on the work of the Board he felt compelled to recommend closure. After informing the people of his decision he asked for questions. Everyone sat quietly. Finally one person said, “You just told us you are closing our church. What is there to ask?” It was a difficult moment. I wished that he would have done a Q&A discussion first even to arrive at the same conclusion. At least that would have given the people a voice.
Don did express that it was a difficult thing to do. I believe the people understood the awkward position Don was in. He had left the door open for the church to continue, but it would be without the support of the district. This raised the hope of a few that really embraced the idea of staying open as a church, but that was not to be. Support among the remaining families withered.
Now that it was public with the congregation, I changed my approach to communication. The rumor mill is just an unfortunate part of life. I felt the best way to go about trying to get correct information out was to publish the whole story candidly and transparently on our website. I asked everyone I could to direct people there. In all of our posts and emails announcing each step, I encouraged questions. I wanted to bring clarity for all the people wondering what really happened. It was pretty amazing the things I heard. Of course, the best reasons never got around to me personally; instead I heard them through others.
I felt bad for the congregation. They were grieving a very personal loss that outsiders could not quite understand. People unknowingly and unintentionally hurt their friend’s feelings as our members dealt with grief. I did my best to help keep perspective that no one was trying to hurt them, and that misinformation was naturally going to come from those outside the situation. I encouraged vigilance toward finishing well and honoring God.
The final sermons over the last five weeks were a way of applying the scripture to each hurting heart. I gave time in prayer to try to hear the direction of the Lord. The final breakdown became two sermons for the weeks of the congregational meetings, and a three- week series on God’s promises. The sermon titles are listed as follows:
· November 7: Rules of the Road Ahead: A Guide To Navigate Life (Resignation addressed followed)
· November 14: The Unexpected Life (Congregational meeting followed)
· November 21: God’s Promise to His Family
· November 28: God’s Promise to His Church
· December 5: God’s Promise to the World
In Rules of the Road Ahead I laid out instructions on how we should navigate the following weeks of transition. It was delivered on the same week as my resignation address. Everyone knew what was coming because I had met with them previously, so the mood was somber. I utilized the metaphor of driving, because it allowed me to utilize a lot of humor. I wanted to let people know that I had not lost my connection of care for them, and I wanted them to hear the Scripture; otherwise, they would have focused only on the bad news of the morning. Concluding my sermon, I cleared my throat and began to read the transcript of my resignation. It flowed really well, and when I finished a person or two even clapped. It was nice to know people were supportive of the ministry I had led to that point.
The following week was the week of their congregational meeting where the presbyter announced his intention to recommend closure. I preached a message called, The Unexpected Life. It was a reflection on Joseph’s life from Genesis 37-41. This message was simple in structure, so that I could focus on the relational connection. I wanted to communicate through this message that sometimes life is not what we thought it would have been, but that does not mean that God is not at work. I relied heavily on the notes I gained meeting with Dr. Rhoden. I believe the words of instruction and direction I received during those weeks was not just for me, but was a relevant word for the congregation as well.
During the next three weeks I wanted to build up the congregation by rehearsing the promises of God. The first week we looked at God’s Promises to His Family. I used the Lord’s Prayer to share our relationship with out Father in heaven. I also wanted to plant prayer in the hearts of my people. Dark times often make prayer harder. I encouraged them that when they were not sure what to pray they could simply pray the Lord’s Prayer. I wanted them to know that though they were losing their spiritual family in the way it met as SRC, their family connection was rooted in their father, God.
Then next week we focused on The Promises of God to His Church. I wanted the people to know that a local assembly closing was not a loss for the Kingdom of God. The fact is the gates of hell do not prevail against the Church. The Church moves forward. We have a conditioned perspective on the Church that I do not believe is accurate. Other than the soul of man, what else has a life span that begins and does not end? Every plant grows and dies in its season. In fact that pattern is what allows maturity and greater expansion. A church closure does not get viewed that way. For some reason we think that God’s sovereign plan is thwarted when a local church closes. Why can we not accept that it was as much God’s plan to close SRC as it was to open it? The gifts, talents, and increased attention to ministry that each member had shaped at SRC in its season have now been sown into other church fields. The Church has not lost. That is God’s promise.
I felt the final message was a really God-honoring way to help people find needed closure. I wanted to give them an opportunity to give finality to the church. I preached a message called God’s Promise to the World. I shared an insight from Jeremiah 51 which I had seen in my devotional reading over the summer. It was on my heart regularly as the year came to an end. For most of the book, Jeremiah reports that God will use horrible and ungodly nations to destroy and disperse His people. Finally God pronounces the judgment that will come against the nations, especially Babylon. In chapter 51 we have the story of Jeremiah calling for the captain in charge of marching the exiled citizens to Babylon. Jeremiah wrote the prophecy and promise of Babylon’s destruction on a scroll. He gave it to the captain with the request that it would be read next to the Euphrates River in Babylon. (The Euphrates River ran through the middle of the city.) His next instructions were to tie the scroll to a rock and throw it in the river. It is such an amazing picture that at times the promise of God may disappear from sight, but it always remains and will be fulfilled. In the case of Babylon, the Euphrates River was diverted so the at Darius’s army could walk into the city under the wall on a dry riverbed. And when the water receded there on the bottom of the river was the rock of God’s promise.
In my message we did three things. First we gave each person a small rock. Second we passed a piece of parchment and each person wrote a promise of God’s love and plan for redemption from scripture. Then as I prepared to close my message I had everyone go out to their car and drive to a local municipal fishing pier. There we gathered up, read scripture (Ecc. 3), and then read the promises of God aloud, prayed, tied them to a rock, and threw it into the Severn River, from which our church was named.
It was freezing that day with wind chill near zero, but shivering, we huddled together in that moment of finality. At the conclusion, on that pier, many SRC members threw the rock they received into the river in an act of closure, others kept their stone as a memorial stone, but I believe it was an act of closure for them as well. SRC ended services at the Severn River. I felt it was a brilliant way to end our four year journey together as a congregation. I only wish it had been warmer.
We gathered only one more time, a week later in a parishioner’s home. Everyone brought food for a potluck brunch, and we spend a couple hours just being together. I led some songs of worship and read some scripture. I asked people to share memories from our journey, and framed it in the ideas, “I was part of a church once that…” The memories were funny; a balance of early, middle, and later experiences. There were no public tears (though I learned about some private tears in conversations individually.)
These people were so precious to me. My decision hurt them; it altered their life and spiritual experience. This is not something I took lightly, but I am convinced it was the direction of God. I did not handle it perfectly. In fact, there were some regrets along the way. My first regret was that I did not get to talk with each individual. Though I did visit each member’s home, I did not speak to every spouse. I remember with one board member I asked to come back and speak with his wife, and was told that she did not want to speak with me. I wish I would have been able to make that personal connection with each person.
Another regret was my inability to merge SRC back into Pasadena Assembly of God (PAG). That would have been my preference, because PAG is a good church and a faithful supporter of SRC. It is my church of origin, and has produced or nurtured the salvation experience of many SRC members. But I could not lead them back. I believe there were a couple reasons. First is embarrassment. People felt that they would be looked at as failures. Second was the difference of ministry philosophies. SRC members had experienced a new brand of worship style and practice of outreach and discipleship not offered at PAG. I do not believe that I could have changed the outcome, but I wish I could have, especially for newer believers that did not have prior church experience. I believe it would have been better for the weaker brothers and sisters to move together even for a period of months.
I also regret the self-doubt that results from “self-prophesying” the end of the church. I know that God’s will was done, but I battle doubts. I shared my belief that the church would close with everyone I talked with prior to talking to the congregation. I wish I would have kept that to myself, and deferred that decision process more to the congregation. I wish I would have championed more their responsibility and the hope of moving forward. But I carry the knowledge that I tainted the thinking and may very well have pronounced the church’s closure prematurely. When I face doubts, and make no mistake I do, I turn back to my journaled experiences and look at the body of evidence. I am convinced it was the direction of God coupled with the decision of a man trying to follow the direction of God.
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