THE RESPONSIBLE AUTHORITIES
Outside of my family there were several people I needed to talk to regarding my decision. These were the authorities that I was in submission to listed as follows: my sectional presbyter, district officials, church board and supporting churches.
My presbyter, Don Cox, has been a great asset in my ministry. He is the most devoted presbyter I know. He is retired and that allows for a lot of interaction and care. I know he has prayed regularly for me, and stayed in close enough contact to know my seasons of struggle. He too, as I found out, started a church and left it a year later, merging it with an area church. For that common experience he seemed to identify with what I was going through. When I told him I was planning to resign he said, “Well, you know how that goes, don’t you?” He was referring to a mutual friend that has been out of the pulpit for over two years unable to find a church to hire him. I said that I understood the risk, but believed I was supposed to resign. Then he said that he was not surprised by it, and that he believed I was a good pastor. The next part of our conversation was very disappointing.
I had expected that at this meeting I would receive instructions on what to do next. I would be asked questions to quantify the state of the church, be told that the “powers that be” would take it from there, or at last provide me with a road map of protocols for closing the church. Instead he looked at me and said, “What happens now?” This was not what I was expecting at all. We started discussing my ideas, and his recommendation was that I should resign Nov. 7th, hold a service on the 14th and close the church. His reasoning was that once I announced, the few people we had would scatter so there was no need to draw it out.
This seemed terribly inappropriate to me. I believed he had misjudged our congregation. They carried a lot of commitment to what we were doing. I knew they would need more than two weeks to process it. One of my mentors would later point out that no one would benefit from dragging it out too long. I settled on a six-week plan that included the week of my resignation and finished the week before Christmas Sunday, so that we would be entering our new churches on a week they would be expecting guests.
After talking with my presbyter I contacted my district office to inform them of my situation, and after a couple attempts, I finally received a phone call from our secretary/treasurer. Ken Burtram knows me well. We have worked in together in seminary, and he was even on SRC’s prayer team. He had met with me a year prior to talk about how we might break out of the plateau we were on. He called to express his sadness and disappointment over my decision. Ken is committed to the expansion of the Church, and seeing a plant fail was reason to be sorry. He asked if there was anyway I would reconsider. I told him that I was certain I was listening to the Holy Spirit, and he relented. Though later in the conversation, he again made it clear that his preference would be that I stay and the church remain open.
This was the source that I expected to give me instructions for how to proceed since my presbyter had not. However, when I asked, I was told there were no protocols or instructions. The reason given was that the district is in the business of opening churches. Churches do close from time to time, but that was not the role of the district. I believe the district does have a responsibility to guide planters through navigating closures. But finding no help, I continued to pray and plan to help lead my people through this difficult season.
I was thankful to receive, in addition to a phone call, an invitation to a lunch meeting. Ken expressed care for me at that meeting, though he reiterated a word of caution related to the risk of unemployment. The economy has taken its toll on churches and clergy. Pastors are staying put, because it is difficult to find positions elsewhere.
At this point I felt it was time to go to the church’s board of directors. We had a regularly scheduled meeting, so I made plans to discuss the church’s future with them. However, I knew it would be quite a bomb to drop on them if I expected to have any kind of meaningful discussion, so I talked with each of them in person in advance. It was really interesting to hear their responses.
The first board member I told was my father, so I moved onto the others. I talked with Ryan the same night I had talked with Ariel. In an odd circumstance of confusion, Ryan had mistakenly come to my house for a discipleship meeting. Since it was just he and I, I took the opportunity to explain what was going on. His response was to ask about me. How was I doing? What would I do? And where would I go? I found him to be very considerate. It was quite a load on him. I could tell he was unsure how to process it. He shared some very touching and personal feelings about me and his experience at SRC, and then he went home for the night.
Next I met with Scott. Scott is a former Methodist pastor, and has personally experienced leaving a church. He simply wanted to know if I had heard from the Holy Spirit. When I confirmed that I had he seemed satisfied. He gave me two of pieces of advice. The first was from the Psalms 37:24, “Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down.” Scott shared that though he did not know what the Lord may be doing in me for the future, there might be a time of falling. But God would not let me fall utterly. It was dark encouragement admittedly, but encouragement nonetheless. His second piece of advice was based on 1 John 4:1 (MSG), “My dear friends, don’t believe everything you hear. Carefully weigh and examine what people tell you. Not everyone that talks about God is from God…” Too much advice, he suggested, could be bad advice And with that our conversation was pretty much over.
The last board member I spoke with was Drew. The fact that he was last did not escape him. It just worked out that way. Ironically his personality was the only that would have noticed. Drew was the only board member that had been with me in the plant from the beginning. He had pressed and pressed, side by side, in each season of the journey. I was not sure how he would respond. I was so thankful for the grace with which he responded. I was so impressed with the maturity he demonstrated. It was testament to the work the Lord had done in his life over the four years at SRC. He asked how I had come to my decision, and even asked about Corie’s response and feelings on the decision. He ended our discussion by stating his appreciation for our friendship, and his hope that it would continue for many years.
As we met for our board meeting, each man came prepared and worked in unison to do the final business of the church. I was proud to work with this group of Godly men. The discussion focused on the communication and involvement of the congregation. The board conducted a study of the finances and projections for 2011. We agreed that I would meet with each household individually to share my decision. Then I would announce my resignation on the following Sunday followed by an informational meeting in which we would collect a survey. The survey was simply their name and whether, based on my resignation and the financial report, they were inclined to stay or go to another church. They were also asked to list what it was about SRC that made them feel connected. We also included a place for questions or comments.
The board itself was split in their intentions, but was unified in their interest in serving the congregation. At one meeting they discussed whether the board members that had decided they were leaving should resign or recuse themselves from the discussion. I know this was motivated by their care for those that wanted to move forward with the church. However, stepping down at that time would have been removing their voices and leadership that God had entrusted to them. Decisions that led to the church’s closure were still God-led decisions. The board asked a list of questions which I answered. These served as a tool given to our presbyter. In working with the board we clarified that there were two issues at play: my resignation and the closure of the church. Though one precipitated the other, they really were separate issues.
Our presbyter used the information in the survey and board questionnaire to look for a way for the church to stay open. Ultimately in light of the number of people planning to leave and the financial challenges the issue came to hinge on Pastor Ariel. The District wanted to know if she would step up as lead pastor. She seriously considered it, and had strong feelings against the church closing. But in the end, she just was not hearing from the Holy Spirit. It was interesting to me that at a board meeting, a board member said, “Has anyone heard from the Holy Spirit on this? Because I have not heard anything.” Some people did not want to accept what He was saying.
I shared with the Board, in response to the question of hearing from the Lord, what He gave me in my devotions the day after my resignation from Luke 13:6-9 (NIV),
“Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?” ‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”
The previous year, the board had planned the budget facing the facts that the church had not grown to a self-sustaining size, the support from other churches was ending, and it was a make-or-break year. We budgeted all-out to a zero dollar sum. That meant instead of me becoming bi-vocational, I would be paid full-time. We felt the chances of the church growing decreased with a part-time effort. We expected that at the end of the year, when we had spent every dollar we brought in and had saved, we would end the year at zero dollars. We greatly increased the amount we spent on outreach, as well as our community outreach efforts, and enlisted prayer partner support to pray for the Lord to add to the church. Now at the end of our fourth year the tree had still had no figs. It was time to cut it down.
We left that meeting with an upcoming congregational meeting still to come or scheduled for the next week, but it was clear to everyone that it was the end. In the absence of Ariel’s leadership, the presbyter made the decision to recommend the closure of SRC to the district board of presbyters.
The last group that I spoke with, other than the congregation, was our partner churches. Phil, the pastor of our lead partner church, was one of the first with which I spoke. He has long been a spiritual father to me, and when I told him he immediately expressed solidarity with me and told me to keep my chin up. He has such great confidence in me. He was disappointed for me, but not in me.
I felt that I had let him down. I know that he had considered SRC one of the best contributions he had made to the Kingdom. Now that the church was closing, I felt I was taking that away from him. He would not let me think that way, and that is when I began to wonder at the mystery of God’s work through us. Will we ever know what He is accomplishing through us? We planted seeds over four years, and will never really know what effect that has until the reckoning at the end of time. We are far too limited to truly judge our efforts as successes or failures.
When I shared my situation with my peers, I found it really blindsided people. I was not prepared for that. I guess it only makes sense, but I had long since processed it. It was really much more uncomfortable than I had anticipated. I remember sharing it in a sectional meeting and suddenly feeling like an outsider. People were just shocked, and now I was exposed. I was so uncomfortable, I could feel them looking at me from behind. This was one of those moments when I felt alone, and I heard my father in my memory say, “I am proud of you.” That really helped me feel confident. Another help was that a friend that I had been talking it through with walked in right up to my seat and sat down next to me just after I had announced it. It really turned my heart around. In difficult days the Lord provided those reminders that I was yoked with Him in this.
I made a mistake at this point. There were two pastors in the group that represented supporting churches. They found out at the same time as the others. That was not fair treatment of the vested interest they had because of their investment and partnership. I mailed a letter of apology. Both responded very graciously, and carried no offense over it.
Immediately, questions started about why the church had failed. I guess it is a normal part of the way people deal with things that do not go the way we thought they would. That question had an answer so complex that I could not boil it down to a sound byte. But that is what most people wanted.
One of the humorous responses I found was that other people, pastors especially, projected their own struggles onto my situation. One pastor pulled me aside to say that I did not have to explain anything to him, but he was praying that, “One day those people will look back and realize what a great pastor they lost.” I remember thinking, “What!?!” The people at SRC had a great regard and respect for me. Pastoring them was really enjoyable. But I suspect the same could not be said of the situation at his church. It has made me wonder if I will ever pastor such good or such true friends like I had at SRC in the future at other churches.
Our decisions are not our own; they do not affect us alone. I observed years ago in marriage that each time a couple divorced, it sent shockwaves in other relationships. It is because we draw communal strength for the commitments of others. When I resigned, I believe it affected others that felt the increase of pressure on their own commitment to their ministry.
People began speculating, and though they did not usually come to me, I would hear them in roundabout ways. I simply asked people to consider what they knew about me, and compare that to things they heard. Speculations become presumed fact when they are repeated. I found this most challenging in dealing with the congregation. The congregation was the group I cared most about in this process. They had the most to lose, and had the tenderest hearts.
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