A number of months ago I started recording the process of closing Severn River Church. When things first started to develop with my resignation I turned to some people I thought would help by giving me a process to follow in leading this difficult transition, but found no guide. Instead I put together a process that I prayed through, and have hoped that I'd be able to share it as one traveler's guide on an uncharted road for others that may come this way.
I think you'll find it very personal and revealing. I wanted to share from the outset that this is one man's perspective. If you experienced this journey with me feel free to share this series of posts with others as I close out the Severn River years.
--Ben
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Closing of Severn River Church -- Introduction
INTRODUCTION
Just over four years ago I rallied people to be part of an exciting church plant called Severn River Church. I asked for their generosity and sacrifice, for them to leave what they knew, and to buy in to the vision that God had put on my heart and me as their leader. And now just four years later they needed me to lead them in a different way. If you would have told me that within a four year span this church would have opened only to close I would have never believed it. Leading the closure of a church is not an easy thing. There are many pieces that are in play, but most difficult to navigate are the relationships of everyone involved. People are precious, and helping them deal with the loss of a church was something that stretched and challenged me.
This essay is a personal reflection of the events and lessons I learned in leading Severn River Church to its closure at the end of 2010. It is my hope that sharing the process I led will be a benefit to others. When closure became an obvious end, I searched for books on the subject and found none. I also looked for procedural help from my ministry network and found none available. In the last decade we have seen in the Assemblies of God fellowship, and among other fellowships, a resurgence in the promotion of planting churches. The law of averages would suggest that with an increase of church plants, there will be a corresponding number of unsuccessful plants. Guidelines and procedures should be in place for this group to help the planter lead the congregation through the difficult stages of closure. It is my view that planters should not abandon failing plants as is often the case, but should give thought, energy, and attention to leading their congregation though this part of the lifecycle of the church. I will be sharing my experience with reflection on the involved parties listed as follows: my story, responsible authorities, and the congregation.
Chapter 1: My Story
MY STORY
Severn River Church (SRC) started on October 1, 2006, and at our launch service sixty three people attended. The following Sunday only thirty or so remained, and we were off on our journey of church planting. This was the culmination of a calling I had heard from the Lord in 2004, a calling confirmed in my heart through prayer and fasting, and one that was affirmed by mentors in my life. Within six months I came face-to-face with the limitations that I had in my leadership. I realized that the preparation I had been through was focused on the machine of ministry instead of the mission. I had spent months preparing sermon series, graphic art, worship sets, and held meetings to talk about “internalizing” our core values like being “a church without walls.” What we did not do was really interface with our community. I had a desire to reach lost people, but truthfully did not know how. Now, six months after launch, I was realizing my challenges and not real sure what to do about it. As a planter one finds oneself in a unique position when you launch a new church. It is a position that garners supporters and fans, but you are also more alone, and the pressure is to “fake it till you make it.” It is a pride issue and a pattern of the world. No one wants to look foolish. I compensated for the overwhelming feeling of confusion and the personal knowledge that I was not succeeding like I wanted by studying and talking about theory, while feeling like I had no idea how to put it into practice.
I knew something had to change so I pursued coaching. I found a church planter that was a little bit ahead of me in experience and asked him to coach me. A coach is someone that makes one do what one does not want to do in order to help one become what one has always wanted to become. I remember meeting with Patrick for the first time, and he asked what I was looking for in our relationship. I told him that I needed someone that would not be impressed with me. I come across as a confident and bright person by nature, but no matter how good my ideas and answers sounded, I needed him to cut through it to help me to learn and face the deficiencies in my leadership.
For two years he taught me in a monthly meeting and gave me assignments, especially in the area of evangelism, and I would work on them bringing back a report the following month. I worked diligently; however, I saw little results for our efforts. Door hangers, mass-mailings, and “big days” had all been very effective for him, but were not effective for SRC. And during this season the pressure was building. Supporters, who had made one or two year commitments, were concluding their support. We enjoyed a committed membership that tithed early on, so financial pressures were not overwhelming, but we needed to grow to have the stability of standing on our own.
I worked and prayed harder, but things moved very slowly. In fact, between year one and two I observed the reality that we doubled the size of the congregation but grew by half; ending up with congregation around 30 people year over year. Progress was actually happening, but we were losing half the congregation each year. Young couples we attracted moved away for affordable housing; military and DOD employees were transferred; and businesses relocated our members as they were promoted. Our guests walked into our gathering and saw a small group. I believe that the lack of “critical mass,” that is enough people to make an auditorium feel comfortably full, did truly hinder our breaking out of that pattern.
In 2009 we received a great blessing as a congregation and benefit for me personally. My sister, Ariel Rainey, came off the mission field and came to work at SRC for $100/wk. Her focus was on outreach, and in one year she dramatically changed our effect in the community. She led an Easter Egg Outreach which we had always done, but we had never been able to attract the community. Imagine our surprise when over 300 people showed up to her first outreach. I heard one woman say to her daughter, “Today we found an egg hunt and a church.” I baptized that family a couple months later.
Ariel led outreaches to local neighborhoods, and we started to focus on local schools. We were on pace in 2010 to reach approximately 1000 individuals outside the church. The outward focus of the church was at an all-time high. It was an infectious feeling, and even prompted me to write a letter to many of our previous members expressing that I wished they could have been part of those days. We had finally turned the corner and were having real impact. Yet in this time I was feeling restless in my heart; a struggle of whether I could stay with this church. It was a very uncomfortable position because the idea of leaving meant a couple things. First, I believe that the greatest contribution and most effective effort a pastor can have is to honor longevity in a community. Leaving meant going against this core value. Secondly, leaving meant the closure of SRC. No one wants to see a church close. No one wants to feel like they have wasted four years. I wrestled with the fear of what it would look like on my résumé, the impact it would have on my family, and the popular motivational clichés like, “Failure is not an option” and “There is no plan B”. No one wants to fail.
During this time I really had to sort through frustration versus calling. I had not started the church to be a “success,” but more and more that was becoming the focus of my thoughts related to the church. In that season I discovered insecurity and frustration was brought about by self-focus – for which my pursuit of success was really a mask. I settled back into trusting God, and obedience to his call. It was probably no coincidence that out greatest community impact came as a result.
I have a friend with whom I processed this journey. When I first envisioned this church plant, he was the person I told. Over the summer he had asked what I was feeling. I told him I was 100% committed to staying. I expressed such confidence that he was floored when only four months later I told him that I would be leaving SRC.
In September 2010 I attended a pastor’s meeting. That morning, in my devotional time, I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me that He wanted me to speak to a ministry colleague that would be attending. Later in the morning I bumped into him at coffee. He said, “Ben, you are carrying quite a load, aren’t you?” I replied that I was, and he replied, “I am concerned for you that fear might derail you from God’s leadership in your life and ministry. Fear of failure could make you stay longer than you should. I just want you to know that if things do not go the way you thought they would at SRC, you will still be well-regarded by me and everyone I know that knows you.” I knew that this was what the Holy Spirit had wanted me to hear.
I left that meeting and went on a three-day vacation. I was really unsettled and inwardly reeling from the gap between the commitment I had settled on in the Spring, and what I was sure was a Word from the Lord saying that a transition was coming. On vacation I spent time in prayer and listening. On October 6th, I spent the whole day in prayer on the outskirts of Annapolis at the WWII memorial. There on the Severn River’s edge, I felt a release from SRC. I knew that my ministry there was over. God was leading me away. This led me to wrestle with two issues.
The first was a poignant understanding that the calling of God involves two parts: a releasing from and a calling to. To this point in my life God had always called me to something. I was called to Valley Forge Christian College, called to PAG, and called to SRC. Now I found I was released from SRC without a calling to anywhere. It was a difficult ambiguity not just for me, but eventually for many others as well.
The second issue was dealing with the question of responsibility of the decision. I had seen ministers cut and run, following a season of struggle, but the company line was, “God is calling me elsewhere.” I have always thought that there is a great responsibility on the minister to be honest about this issue. No one should falsely use the “God said” trump card lightly. So whose decision was this? Was this God’s fault? Was it mine? Was it the community’s? It was sobering to work through these issues. In my experience the responsibility is shared. Christ invited me to share his yoke. He chose the direction, and I made the decision to follow His lead.
Being connected to Christ does not always make me as perfect as I wish it did. One shortcoming I observed immediately was that I had processed this without really involving my wife. I had told her some details of what was going on, but had not really partnered with her to process it along the way. When I came home from Annapolis I had laid my vision to rest. I had even picked up a memorial stone and put it in my pocket. So when I came home, I was confident and moving forward with the decision. She was surprised with my resolution. I was steps ahead of her, and I moved faster without her than I should have. Our relationship has always been built on her trust in my decision-making, but I wish I would have slowed down to help bring her along better. She was fantastically supportive, and gracious even with my missteps. The greatest problem was that she was left to fill the gaps with her own assumptions. I realized it when I heard her explaining what was going on, and realized she was getting it all wrong, but because she had not been involved she had made the most sensible answer from her perspective.
After talking with my wife I went to talk to my father. He has long been a trustworthy confidant. When we met I told him what I intended. He seemed to have a surprised look though he would later say he was not shocked. I was actually glad to see that look because it meant I had not been telegraphing my frustration and struggle over the previous year. It was not easy to talk to my dad, because he and my mother left their church in December of 2009, and had become an integral part of what we were doing at SRC. They invested a lot in that year. But my father put me at ease and wanted to know what my plan was. I detailed my plan for him. As I worked through it he said, “I am proud of you.” It did not even seem to fit at that place in the conversation, but I was sure glad he said it. In about six instances over the next four months I found myself in situations and conversations with people in various stages of shock and grief. When I found myself facing from those that struggled the most, I remembered those reassuring words. My father has only ever been interested in me pleasing Jesus. I knew I was good with Him. It was really nice to have my dad to stand with, too.
I believe that the Holy Spirit gives a gift to church planters, a sixth sense or knowledge of how things will go during certain seasons of the church. In my conversation with my father we talked about the future of the church. I knew from the day I decided to resign that the church would close. I would question that several times, even at times becoming very hopeful that I was wrong, but ultimately closure was God’s destiny for the church.
The next group I turned to was a group of friends and mentors. These voices were very important to me as well. Not just because they listened and spoke into my life, but because they prayed for me. I hope anyone that goes through a season like this has people that support them this way.
My father accompanied me to visit Dr. Robert Rhoden, my former district superintendent. I have a great deal of respect for Dr. Rhoden, and I was thankful to share my experience at different points along the way. When I met with him he had a few things he wanted to say. Each was a benefit to me. I know he credited each thought to someone else, but made specific reference with each one to my situation. First, he wanted to make sure I understood the difference between failing and being a failure, because though the plant failed, I am not a failure. Next he said that at times life can only be understood through the rearview mirror, not the windshield. He pointed to Joseph’s life in Genesis to explain that sometimes what is happening is not what is going on. Things as they happen may seem to show one thing but time may prove another thing entirely. Another piece of advice was that experience is only valuable if it is interpreted correctly. He encouraged patience before assuming too quickly that I understood fully what was going on.
The hardest part of my personal journey was the effect of my decision on my family. There were many layers to the impact and each one was so precious to me. Their closeness put them in a difficult position. They were simultaneously dealing with the positive feelings and love they had for me while also feeling the negative feelings of grief in the loss of their church.
The greatest impact of my decision fell on my sister Ariel. Ariel was called into ministry in her teens. She followed that calling to Bible school, and the Lord directed her to the mission field after graduation. It started as a one-year volunteer position, and turned into an 11-year career on the mission field. She was well-regarded and effective in ministry to Muslims. As she neared the end of her last itineration, and was about to return to the Middle East, the Lord told her to resign from missions. She expected to find a pastoral position in a church, and after only a short time began attending SRC on a temporary basis.
It was not long before I approached her to come on staff. It was refreshing to work with her. She bought in wholeheartedly to our mission and vision. She found secular employment to support herself so that she could put roots down in our community. She was strongly focused on the outreach of the church.
Her effort and contribution cost her quite a bit. She worked a job full-time including a hefty commute, and extra hours working for us without the compensation she deserved. It also cost her standing in our professional network. Her missions work made her stand out, but when she resigned from the field, many did not understand, and because she did not take a traditional, full-time vocational ministry, many regarded her as “out of ministry”. It was definitely a professional cost.
So when I knew that the future of the church was coming to an end, I also knew she would face a great amount of personal loss. She was both sister and staff. She was working hard on a Halloween outreach, and I remember feeling it was unfair to see her working so hard without a full knowledge of what was going on in my heart.
It was after a service planning meeting that I asked to speak to her. My news coupled with the fatigue of her hard work made it a very emotional conversation for her. I told her that I was sorry for how I knew this would affect her. She said that she understood and that I did not owe her anything. She had served for the Lord, and loved working for me. It was humbling and was difficult. She was the hardest meeting I had, and the person I most dreaded to tell. But she graciously put me at ease with my obedience to the direction of the Lord.
In Ariel, though, I saw the greatest journey of grief. Losing a church is like loss in any other area of life. People stay for years in churches that they do not like because they want to avoid the pain of loss. How much more when you lose a church you love? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – I saw the whole journey lived out in Ariel.
Again Ariel, like my wife, taught me about being patient with others. I had done my own grieving and had come to acceptance. I had to learn to discuss things related to the unfolding future of the church, while being careful how far and fast I went, so that she was able to find resolution with each step and decision.
My mother was another difficult person to tell. She had attended one church from the time she was a little girl. When she and my father decided to leave their church, it was a very convenient and enjoyable transition to SRC. In fact, they embraced the differences in approach and style even better than I would have expected. But my news did not just mean the loss of her church. It meant that the relationships of the family would forever change. As a family my parents enjoyed a year of worship in a church with all their children, their spouses, and their five grandchildren. My parents have served the Lord faithfully with great sacrifice for the Kingdom of God. I think that my mother felt in some way that she was enjoying a spiritual reward with things as they were—our family so close. My decision did not just mean a new church, but a son who would certainly move his family away, and a daughter that would probably move away for a full-time ministry position. So if having the family together was the spiritual blessing, then what was this?
My sister Sarah and her husband, Andy, had been part of my launch team. They were there from the beginning. They were pretty quiet on the subject as a whole, but were very supportive.
Getting through the meetings with my family were the most difficult parts of the journey; once I had talked with them I was ready to start passing the news out to others. Leaders have the responsibility not just to give information, but also to manage the distribution of information in a way that builds up the body of Christ. Although the others had opinions, ultimately I settled on an approach born out of prayer that I believed would serve the congregation best.
Chapter 2: The Responsible Authorities
THE RESPONSIBLE AUTHORITIES
Outside of my family there were several people I needed to talk to regarding my decision. These were the authorities that I was in submission to listed as follows: my sectional presbyter, district officials, church board and supporting churches.
My presbyter, Don Cox, has been a great asset in my ministry. He is the most devoted presbyter I know. He is retired and that allows for a lot of interaction and care. I know he has prayed regularly for me, and stayed in close enough contact to know my seasons of struggle. He too, as I found out, started a church and left it a year later, merging it with an area church. For that common experience he seemed to identify with what I was going through. When I told him I was planning to resign he said, “Well, you know how that goes, don’t you?” He was referring to a mutual friend that has been out of the pulpit for over two years unable to find a church to hire him. I said that I understood the risk, but believed I was supposed to resign. Then he said that he was not surprised by it, and that he believed I was a good pastor. The next part of our conversation was very disappointing.
I had expected that at this meeting I would receive instructions on what to do next. I would be asked questions to quantify the state of the church, be told that the “powers that be” would take it from there, or at last provide me with a road map of protocols for closing the church. Instead he looked at me and said, “What happens now?” This was not what I was expecting at all. We started discussing my ideas, and his recommendation was that I should resign Nov. 7th, hold a service on the 14th and close the church. His reasoning was that once I announced, the few people we had would scatter so there was no need to draw it out.
This seemed terribly inappropriate to me. I believed he had misjudged our congregation. They carried a lot of commitment to what we were doing. I knew they would need more than two weeks to process it. One of my mentors would later point out that no one would benefit from dragging it out too long. I settled on a six-week plan that included the week of my resignation and finished the week before Christmas Sunday, so that we would be entering our new churches on a week they would be expecting guests.
After talking with my presbyter I contacted my district office to inform them of my situation, and after a couple attempts, I finally received a phone call from our secretary/treasurer. Ken Burtram knows me well. We have worked in together in seminary, and he was even on SRC’s prayer team. He had met with me a year prior to talk about how we might break out of the plateau we were on. He called to express his sadness and disappointment over my decision. Ken is committed to the expansion of the Church, and seeing a plant fail was reason to be sorry. He asked if there was anyway I would reconsider. I told him that I was certain I was listening to the Holy Spirit, and he relented. Though later in the conversation, he again made it clear that his preference would be that I stay and the church remain open.
This was the source that I expected to give me instructions for how to proceed since my presbyter had not. However, when I asked, I was told there were no protocols or instructions. The reason given was that the district is in the business of opening churches. Churches do close from time to time, but that was not the role of the district. I believe the district does have a responsibility to guide planters through navigating closures. But finding no help, I continued to pray and plan to help lead my people through this difficult season.
I was thankful to receive, in addition to a phone call, an invitation to a lunch meeting. Ken expressed care for me at that meeting, though he reiterated a word of caution related to the risk of unemployment. The economy has taken its toll on churches and clergy. Pastors are staying put, because it is difficult to find positions elsewhere.
At this point I felt it was time to go to the church’s board of directors. We had a regularly scheduled meeting, so I made plans to discuss the church’s future with them. However, I knew it would be quite a bomb to drop on them if I expected to have any kind of meaningful discussion, so I talked with each of them in person in advance. It was really interesting to hear their responses.
The first board member I told was my father, so I moved onto the others. I talked with Ryan the same night I had talked with Ariel. In an odd circumstance of confusion, Ryan had mistakenly come to my house for a discipleship meeting. Since it was just he and I, I took the opportunity to explain what was going on. His response was to ask about me. How was I doing? What would I do? And where would I go? I found him to be very considerate. It was quite a load on him. I could tell he was unsure how to process it. He shared some very touching and personal feelings about me and his experience at SRC, and then he went home for the night.
Next I met with Scott. Scott is a former Methodist pastor, and has personally experienced leaving a church. He simply wanted to know if I had heard from the Holy Spirit. When I confirmed that I had he seemed satisfied. He gave me two of pieces of advice. The first was from the Psalms 37:24, “Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down.” Scott shared that though he did not know what the Lord may be doing in me for the future, there might be a time of falling. But God would not let me fall utterly. It was dark encouragement admittedly, but encouragement nonetheless. His second piece of advice was based on 1 John 4:1 (MSG), “My dear friends, don’t believe everything you hear. Carefully weigh and examine what people tell you. Not everyone that talks about God is from God…” Too much advice, he suggested, could be bad advice And with that our conversation was pretty much over.
The last board member I spoke with was Drew. The fact that he was last did not escape him. It just worked out that way. Ironically his personality was the only that would have noticed. Drew was the only board member that had been with me in the plant from the beginning. He had pressed and pressed, side by side, in each season of the journey. I was not sure how he would respond. I was so thankful for the grace with which he responded. I was so impressed with the maturity he demonstrated. It was testament to the work the Lord had done in his life over the four years at SRC. He asked how I had come to my decision, and even asked about Corie’s response and feelings on the decision. He ended our discussion by stating his appreciation for our friendship, and his hope that it would continue for many years.
As we met for our board meeting, each man came prepared and worked in unison to do the final business of the church. I was proud to work with this group of Godly men. The discussion focused on the communication and involvement of the congregation. The board conducted a study of the finances and projections for 2011. We agreed that I would meet with each household individually to share my decision. Then I would announce my resignation on the following Sunday followed by an informational meeting in which we would collect a survey. The survey was simply their name and whether, based on my resignation and the financial report, they were inclined to stay or go to another church. They were also asked to list what it was about SRC that made them feel connected. We also included a place for questions or comments.
The board itself was split in their intentions, but was unified in their interest in serving the congregation. At one meeting they discussed whether the board members that had decided they were leaving should resign or recuse themselves from the discussion. I know this was motivated by their care for those that wanted to move forward with the church. However, stepping down at that time would have been removing their voices and leadership that God had entrusted to them. Decisions that led to the church’s closure were still God-led decisions. The board asked a list of questions which I answered. These served as a tool given to our presbyter. In working with the board we clarified that there were two issues at play: my resignation and the closure of the church. Though one precipitated the other, they really were separate issues.
Our presbyter used the information in the survey and board questionnaire to look for a way for the church to stay open. Ultimately in light of the number of people planning to leave and the financial challenges the issue came to hinge on Pastor Ariel. The District wanted to know if she would step up as lead pastor. She seriously considered it, and had strong feelings against the church closing. But in the end, she just was not hearing from the Holy Spirit. It was interesting to me that at a board meeting, a board member said, “Has anyone heard from the Holy Spirit on this? Because I have not heard anything.” Some people did not want to accept what He was saying.
I shared with the Board, in response to the question of hearing from the Lord, what He gave me in my devotions the day after my resignation from Luke 13:6-9 (NIV),
“Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?” ‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”
The previous year, the board had planned the budget facing the facts that the church had not grown to a self-sustaining size, the support from other churches was ending, and it was a make-or-break year. We budgeted all-out to a zero dollar sum. That meant instead of me becoming bi-vocational, I would be paid full-time. We felt the chances of the church growing decreased with a part-time effort. We expected that at the end of the year, when we had spent every dollar we brought in and had saved, we would end the year at zero dollars. We greatly increased the amount we spent on outreach, as well as our community outreach efforts, and enlisted prayer partner support to pray for the Lord to add to the church. Now at the end of our fourth year the tree had still had no figs. It was time to cut it down.
We left that meeting with an upcoming congregational meeting still to come or scheduled for the next week, but it was clear to everyone that it was the end. In the absence of Ariel’s leadership, the presbyter made the decision to recommend the closure of SRC to the district board of presbyters.
The last group that I spoke with, other than the congregation, was our partner churches. Phil, the pastor of our lead partner church, was one of the first with which I spoke. He has long been a spiritual father to me, and when I told him he immediately expressed solidarity with me and told me to keep my chin up. He has such great confidence in me. He was disappointed for me, but not in me.
I felt that I had let him down. I know that he had considered SRC one of the best contributions he had made to the Kingdom. Now that the church was closing, I felt I was taking that away from him. He would not let me think that way, and that is when I began to wonder at the mystery of God’s work through us. Will we ever know what He is accomplishing through us? We planted seeds over four years, and will never really know what effect that has until the reckoning at the end of time. We are far too limited to truly judge our efforts as successes or failures.
When I shared my situation with my peers, I found it really blindsided people. I was not prepared for that. I guess it only makes sense, but I had long since processed it. It was really much more uncomfortable than I had anticipated. I remember sharing it in a sectional meeting and suddenly feeling like an outsider. People were just shocked, and now I was exposed. I was so uncomfortable, I could feel them looking at me from behind. This was one of those moments when I felt alone, and I heard my father in my memory say, “I am proud of you.” That really helped me feel confident. Another help was that a friend that I had been talking it through with walked in right up to my seat and sat down next to me just after I had announced it. It really turned my heart around. In difficult days the Lord provided those reminders that I was yoked with Him in this.
I made a mistake at this point. There were two pastors in the group that represented supporting churches. They found out at the same time as the others. That was not fair treatment of the vested interest they had because of their investment and partnership. I mailed a letter of apology. Both responded very graciously, and carried no offense over it.
Immediately, questions started about why the church had failed. I guess it is a normal part of the way people deal with things that do not go the way we thought they would. That question had an answer so complex that I could not boil it down to a sound byte. But that is what most people wanted.
One of the humorous responses I found was that other people, pastors especially, projected their own struggles onto my situation. One pastor pulled me aside to say that I did not have to explain anything to him, but he was praying that, “One day those people will look back and realize what a great pastor they lost.” I remember thinking, “What!?!” The people at SRC had a great regard and respect for me. Pastoring them was really enjoyable. But I suspect the same could not be said of the situation at his church. It has made me wonder if I will ever pastor such good or such true friends like I had at SRC in the future at other churches.
Our decisions are not our own; they do not affect us alone. I observed years ago in marriage that each time a couple divorced, it sent shockwaves in other relationships. It is because we draw communal strength for the commitments of others. When I resigned, I believe it affected others that felt the increase of pressure on their own commitment to their ministry.
People began speculating, and though they did not usually come to me, I would hear them in roundabout ways. I simply asked people to consider what they knew about me, and compare that to things they heard. Speculations become presumed fact when they are repeated. I found this most challenging in dealing with the congregation. The congregation was the group I cared most about in this process. They had the most to lose, and had the tenderest hearts.
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